Perfect Timing

Blessing

2010-08-13T23:32:00.005-04:00

I know i haven't written in a while. Some of it due to lazyness, some of it just due to being in a different stage at the time. Those who really know me, know that i go through different creative stages throughout the year. SO those who have been reading up until now know how it is and arent surprised. Gonna keep this post pretty short and to the point but will plan to write more!! So the title was blessing right. Here is what i believe in a nutshell. When we are faithful in the little things, the surrendering of ourselves and our situations into God's control, when we are faithful with even talking with the Father about any matter. I feel like blessing follows. Why am i saying feel and not just blessing follows because its my experience. You know what i mean. Lately God has been opening all sorts of amazing opportunities for me and i am blown away!! So be faithful in the little and it wont come easy at times sometimes you gotta pray for the intention and the follow through to be faithful in something. Short and to the point tonight. May God Bless You! Later!!

Conflicted

2010-03-29T22:17:00.001-04:00

Have you ever felt conflicted in your thoughts. Like a quiet restless that needs to break out and do something almost anything? I wonder why being locked indoors and working on long hw assignments makes me feel this way everytime. Today I attempted to do my paper but it was just so easy to get distracted and I was incredibly distracted I'm distracted now I haven't even finished the paper and I really don't think it's my best work and I'm just hoping I at least get an 80 on it. I have such a headache and

"friend" duties are keeping me awake. I'm still keeping the hope and staying clear from stress and worry. God is Good.

-- Post From My iPhone

Blessings & Comfort

2010-02-04T19:23:00.001-05:00

Tonight I rode home in quiet trust for what could lay ahead of me tomorrow. And on my way home riding on the train a homeless man with a need for food and shelter borded a black man maybe in his late forties early fiftees but what was remarkably different about this man was what he started his asking for support with. He quoted John 3:16 professed love in Christ and of the counting of his blessings everyday. Everytime I hit a critical period in my life God always gives me a refreshing a reminder a calling back to remember His Sovereignty His Blessing and His Irreplaceable and Remarkably Unconditional Love. Wow

-- Post From My iPhone

Stories

2010-01-27T19:34:00.001-05:00

This evening I started to think of the importance of stories in the lives of humanity Aka humans. Stories are so important to our lives and our living whether they are told in written fiction, oral tradition, stories of what happened in the lives of very close ancestors as far as family tree. Stories are also important in our relationships with others. When we are in the midst of family we might share a story from the day like a great event that happened that day or maybe if one is bragging they might fabricate or fudge up the story alot to make themselves appear the hero or even the villian. I think when a person loses their interest in sharing the story of their yesterdays, todays or tomorrows they lose a huge portion of their joy. I don't know if this is really making much sense. I'm just trying to say that story telling and story sharing is a pivotal part of our lives and when someone loses that desire they are in danger of just merely existing. I think everything can be told or shared from our eating and sleeping to our going and rising and can serve as a part of our act of worship.

-- Post From My iPhone

Falling In

2010-01-19T21:39:00.001-05:00

So the other day in one of the vlogs I recorded i wrote about not being in love and I was speaking of a love like the love of and in Christ. And although this is still currently true that my heart still seeks after that love today I thought about how I have fallen out of love with much and many I have loved in the realm of humanity. As a young child I thought it was very possible for someone to fall out of love I had seen it first hand in my own life regarding the love to me from my own mother and father towards me as I wrote about in my previous blog but I always prayed and wished that it would not happen to me. This past year and up until this day I have fallen out of love with all of whom I have loved in humanity and I have no idea how to reclaim that love in redemptive way. Because that love was kind of one sided and many times performance based just like the way i had acted and the way I currently act whenever my parents realize I'm alive and actually contact me. And this type of performance based relationship was something I wanted to change but sometimes honesty there's a problem with change when it comes self imposed self induced and lacking the trust and seeking of God's redemption and what that change is is a change that comes with possibilities that are marked with question marks. Let me repeat that a better way, when I trust myself and myself alone to transform my relationships from being performance based to something else I quite honestly dont know what that something else is supposed to be or even look like so I'm left with question marks but I think there is something redemptive within it and that thing is that now I am able to turn my relationships over into God's hands while He fixes my heart and restrings it into what it should be because all this time when I thought i had a good grasp I really didn't.

-- Post From My iPhone

Remembering

2010-01-15T14:17:00.000-05:00

A tiny portion of this week has been spent remembering the people of Haiti as I remembering the blessings that I am experiencing even now. I've been also reading peoples tweets and reflecting on the things I've read such as the discussion of religious fission when it comes to our futile understanding of God's Will, God's Purpose for Us, God's Wrath and even His Love. We are but a vapor and fallen so we are incapable of fully and wholly understanding God in any area all we know is kinda what we have the capacity to know and what He let's us know. Sometimes I wonder if I am still God's child, His beloved, His friend and not because He has given me any reason to doubt because He has not but because of my human relationship with my parents. My parents are kind of a really touchy subject for me and I don't even talk about them with my closest friends. It's not because I don't love them no not all but I wonder what is love in the specific situation of my parents. Now why do i wonder about my relationship with God and who am I well my parents are very sporadically intertwined in my life and as much as I try to get to know them and reach out to them it's very difficult and emotional it's got to be 50/50 you know. Some people have learned to cope with seeking the attention of their parents by bending and twisting to their every whim trying some way to conform in such a fasion that their parents will finally shower them with the attention and praise that they've longed for. I'm not in that group quite honestly I think my coping mechanism has been to remain young and infantile yes infantile so that they would feel that I need them and would come rescuing me with the attention and praise that I'm longing for.
So because of this i kind of have this performance based attitude of I must read my bible I must pray
I must worship etc but at times it is not in spirit and in truth because instead I am relying on myself to do all of the work to get the attention. I'm so glad God is not like my earthly parents and although what I feel of my relationship with God is all feeling and emotion for my lack with my biological parents and doesn't take away the fact that this is what I feel from time to time. Thanks for reading my thoughts of the day.
-- Post From My iPhone

Devastation

2010-01-13T11:39:00.001-05:00

For the past couple of hours I've been praying regarding those in Haiti, those of Haitian decent and for various friends and family members. While tweeting my own posts and retweeting posts regarding relief efforts in Haiti. As with all footagebof devastation it's all very graphic seeing bodies strewn all over the place. What I thought of this morning before the sun rose was how unfortunately grieving is not something I'm all that good with especially at the expense of others. For example my sister watched the issue of ballon boy before the truth coming out of being a host and cried at every moment touched deeply by this situation. And one of my friends tweeted lastnight about how she lay in her bed with her three year old daughter crying for the sake of the mothers in Haiti who've lost their children. Now myself on the other hand just thought of the devastation and prayed for help, peace rescue and comfort as well as salvation and God showing Himself strong all through that situation. But another thought came to mind still along the lines of my reaction to it all wondering how I was still going on with my various duties and how come I couldn't be like those in the Bible who covered themselves in sack cloth and ash duting times of devastation or some of other form of clothing calling upon the Name of the Lord. My only reaction has been while rememberig my blessings to be moved to pray for those in devastation.
-- Post From My iPhone

Where you been?

2010-01-12T14:03:00.001-05:00

Wow yeah I have no excuse for my lack of blogging aside from the depression i was experiencing and my battle with acid reflux. Well thank God I've been healing in all of those areas and have been doing alotbof creative things I just started vlogging a couple days ago http://www.YouTube.com/kimmiespeaks and I enjoy it so much although I only have 6 subs and 1 comment thus far but I hope to keep at it the challenge has been keeping it daily and will be keeping it daily since I go back to school next week. Alrighty will start writing again soon no really I will. And more serious topics no more surface fluff :D

That was the photo from my 2000th tweet yesterday so follow me on Twitter @Valkariepsp

-- Post From My iPhone

Things of Love

2009-11-21T17:06:00.000-05:00

I feel like slowly piece by piece God has been rebuilding and recasting me taking me far away from the pain of what I felt this summer abandonment and loneliness and it feels amazing. And it's just like wow really I didn't expect it then and I didn't expect it now but wow so blessed. And I finally met this guy I've been talking to online and he is amazing and it's a blessing having him in my life.

-- Post From My iPhone

Friendships

2009-09-08T01:04:00.001-04:00

Tonight I wondered what does it mean when you don't feel the fire you felt in the beginning of your friendships. When you don't feel that same desire to be there entertaining and putting out your good foot. Maybe it's just a me thing tonight and not something I need to really put so much thought into.

-- Post From My iPhone

The hourglass

2009-07-22T22:34:00.001-04:00

The hourglass was flipped yet again in my life and I wondered if by some chance I could live in a way that was meaningful. In a way that made people say oh my I need to believe like she believed I need to strive in the direction she is striving. Is that the way to Christ ok thanks for the directions. This was a very hard place to be because I figured my wonder had not happened I mean who wouldn't. And so I despaired for my loneliness, laziness, stagnancy and most of all my weakness. There's nothing wrong with weakness except for in this case I was weak tapping into my own weakness for strength this was not working. Wrong direction annnnk wrong answer you've lost this round but I was reminded of someone greater higher lovelier in whom I draw my strength my joy and my meaning the person of Jesus Christ. And the hourglass reclaimed my lost hours.

-- Post From My iPhone

Eternity

2009-07-18T20:31:00.001-04:00

Sometimes I feel as though man is always trying to get many things, on a constant quest to constanty acquire and I wonder if it is often in the hopes of acquiring something eternal. Maybe this is what it means when it says that He set Eternity in the hearts of man, maybe it means that they will be on a continual journey and quest to reach forever and so they constantly acquire but I want to acquire something greater something that will not be stolen or destroyed with rust or moth eaten and that something is love.

-- Post From My iPhone

The Lifeboat

2009-07-15T18:08:00.001-04:00

Without God we all exist on this kind of makeshift lifeboat. Put together with these splintered either given by someone residing on the lifeboat currently or I'll gotten. The lifeboat is not only something so real but it's also a place where man formulates his ideals whether for selfish pursuit of what he wants for himself or dare I say it selfish goal he wants for someone else. The lifeboat is hard to just decide to step away from because it serves as the place where man gets some type of reassurance from peers he actually ascribes to or to those who he does not want to go against.. But then the question what's the difference. Jesus didn't need the lifeboat because His Glory came from God where is your Glory coming from if not all from God what portion can you be almost sure comes from God. The Lifeboat.

-- Post From My iPhone

Metamorphosis & Mystery

2009-07-13T11:44:00.001-04:00

Today i saw a butterfly in the most unlikest of places behind a garbage can almost like it was waiting there to reveal itself. It made me think of the mystery of things the hiddeness of things sometimes I like the fact that things are hidden because when they are hdden when they appear it's just it's so mind blowing. To me mystery is necessary because I think if everything was set before I would be bored to death or even worse rebellious because I'd want to see other than what's before me just being honest. I'd be running to see the unseen. It kinda reminds me of the heart the thing we all try to understand but really can't. It's so amazing that God can see our hearts better than we could ever see them it's so like wow the way God judges us on our hearts the intention behind stuff I don't think it's so much on our reaching of perfection or even whether we fail or win at something but the heart or the drive the intention of it all. Like this is all a process a person does not run a maranthon in one try one go but instead trains to reach such potential. It also remind me of the struggle the necessary struggle that a butterfly goes through after it has morphed. That process of it struggling from it's cacoon of helped it's rather harmed. However unlike the butterfly that needs to be unassisted we need community before during around and after the struggle.

-- Post From My iPhone

Rescue !!!

2009-07-11T23:33:00.000-04:00

When I feel like you're not there I try to act like it doesn't matter and trudge on with my day trying to do it all. Asking for my own encore, clapping at my wins, booing loudly at my losses unlike you who just quietly corrects without condemnation or a weird pride thing, when I'm in a room and no one is there I draw my own imaginations trying to keep my own attention and entertain myself, when I'm with ppl I forget that you're there in the midst. Will you rescue me soon please....

-- Post From My iPhone

Better than Yesterday

2009-07-10T09:27:00.001-04:00

Today I've determined to make the most of this day having time for myself enjoying myself and connecting with friends earlier in the morning and doing my work in joy and just having a really great day remembering the love of others such as friends and family and remembering the grace and the mercy and the gift of life and love and such :)

-- Post From My iPhone

Hearts

2009-07-09T13:30:00.001-04:00

Today happened to be one of those days like many in my life where I had to face one of those hard heart questions. The question was why do I expect from people? Why do I have expectations of people time and time again no matter how many times I've been dissappointed. And my answer was it's because I'm running on the fuel called hope no matter how many times I've been broken hurt or depressed I still press on it's my coping mechanism. If I don't expect because of my hope what then? It's like a rung on a ladder I have rungs hope love faith grace mercy forgiveness expectation because of all those things working if I remove expectation what then will this ladder collapse?

-- Post From My iPhone

Anger

2009-06-30T18:15:00.004-04:00

Yea i know i haven't written in a minute was going through different things and basically its not easy to sit down and take time to write when your kind of broken and angry by things. Im chilling at my moms today and im upset by something...I wish i wouldnt get so upset when im corrected after i have put so much work into something without anyone helping. It feels so crushing and i feel the push to quit when i feel this way but i just wait in the hope that this feeling will pass soon and just being ok.

2009-06-08T04:26:00.001-04:00

I finally got a camcorder yesterday i need to sleep the sun will be up shortly.

Tuesday

2009-06-02T17:05:00.002-04:00

Uhh so yeah i haven't written in a while alot of stuff was going on a lot of summer cleaning has happened so yea but i should be writing more now...sorry about the uhhh amount of time that has passed all in all im good Blessed God is still blowing my mind everyday He is so Awesome!!!!

Catch Up Wednesday

2009-05-21T02:51:00.000-04:00

SO yea i know i haven't written in a couple of days i guess i opted to just try to fill this in as much as possible gonna go backwards. SO today I woke up this morning and decided to make a start of my day in an amazing and simple way I journaled and read my Bible and prayed :) couldn't get more simpler than that alot of times i make it way too complicated. Then i had breakfast and took a nap :) I got up at around 2 and came online I believe i just came on to find a program and install it onto my notebook but i have been on since and did not install what i set out to. I was talking to Fuzzy for a bit i wanted to go out but opted to just stay inside the rest of the night and go out tomorrow. I wanted to make a video so I did tonight its called Wonder and its a poem I just posted it on my YouTube page. Its a poem i wrote back in 05 when i was working in Borders Books as a cashier it was kewl that i found it today. Today was a pretty good day. God blew my mind with Luke 3, this morning i read Matthew 3, Mark 1 and Luke 3, oh man Luke is the man :).
Hmmm where was I sorry i clicked over to put my new video on Facebook :) like u needed to know that lol...anyways uhhh Yesterday was a great day as well I was home in bed just relaxing till about 12 and i was like lemme go and run those errands that my mom asked me to and yea God blew my mind, I went into this bookstore over on Lenox and talked with the part owner he was talking about his faith and the church he belongs to and the Pastor and Youth Pastor it was really great talking with him and he asked me to take some stuff over to the Goodwill since i was on my way so i was glad i was able to serve him. I bought some water on my way back cuz it was hot out and nice though and decided to make the second trip to the thrift store with the last bag.. why am i have de jja vu...okay...so uhh yea umm..I saw that there was a 28 pack of Poland spring on sale and i thought to myself wow i pay a dollar just for one i need to hop on this bargain so i bought it on my way back from the second trip it was 5 bucks that's really kewl and when i got to my building i saw some kids outside so i gave them some water and told them when they see me act like the know me in other words remember me. SO yea servant must have been yesterdays theme huh :) God is good.

Super Sunday

2009-05-17T17:06:00.000-04:00

Ok I'm done with all the alliteration for real i don't know lol maybe. Today was a great day woke up at after 7 and typed up a schedule because i just thought it would be nice to have it in writing so its easier to follow and for memory and such. SO today just had one child and that was kewl we had worship and prayer, review of last weeks lesson, the lesson for today, snack and closing prayer. It went amazingly well God is good. And now i just got an idea for some videos in my style conversation lesson and question :) So yea after church i put everything away and Fuzzy helped then i checked out a quick meeting about Karaoke night then Fuzzy and I went to my grandmother's house we had a great time. I forgot how much of a great time i have when I am with family. She told us stories and she cooked us steak and veggies and candied yams. Then walked Fuzzy to the train station while talking and came home ate and had a nice sleep. So man yes today was amazing and in the morning I'm cleaning out the SGA office with Fuzzy so i should probably sleep soon so i can wake up on time but don't know when since i just had a 3 hour slumber.(2:06 A.M why is it always screwing up the time)

Fabulous Friday

2009-05-16T01:42:00.000-04:00

Well it was fabulous until my hours of editing my newest video freaking crashed and now i have nothing sigh...lol...however i had a great day went to Brina's graduation recorded and edited and burned dvds so yea that was really kewl...tomorrow I'm doing real work for real im gonna try to stop lolligagging. Thats all im gonna say tonight cuz im like kinda bummed just a bit however i can work on it another time. I need to get some sleep then eat when i wake up. ok im just rambling im out :)

Thriving Thursday

2009-05-14T17:05:00.000-04:00

Today was a great day i went to the seminar it was the same one as the last one i went to same info it was great I'm so glad i went because i received the answer to a question i had so that was really kewl. Plus a situation with a great friend Fuzzy was resolved so that was like yay God. And i went food shopping and it inspired me to do a video telling the story of the supermarket. So i did the video and i had fun doing it. Tomorrow or rather later today I'm going to Brina's graduation I'm so glad to be her friend and able to support her in her growth. Too bad I'm broke cant take her out to celebrate but i hope just being there will be good enough until i can get some funds. ON the phone trying to wrap up the rest of this evening. Gonna be doing some more preparation for Sunday. Post Production photo :) 2:05 AM Night yall

Wow Wednesday

2009-05-13T17:28:00.000-04:00

are all my days gonna have like these rhyme thingy or alliteration i think that's what its called lol who knows...
Yea today i had a great day i had a meeting with my Pastor's incredible meeting for real and I'm looking forward to working with this ministry i need to be faithful in it and active as well. So yea I'm really excited. Tonight i helped out a friend and just put up a quick video on YouTube about child trafficking and then walk going on in September its very interesting since I'm promoting it i think it would make sense that attend and try to donate and walk in it right??? Well i think so so i hope to be talking about it when i go in September. SO yea great day reflective as well and i also hung with an old friend and just listened to what she has been going through pretty much. SO now I'm going to this training in the morning its ummm Partnering with School: How Churches can Reach Youth through Schools so I'm really looking forward to attending this training and hope I'm not like OD busting out in cramps (tmi?) in the morning or something. So yes wow Wednesday it was great :)

Terrible Tuesday?

2009-05-12T05:12:00.000-04:00

OK the day actually wasn't terrible i just said that for dramatic effect i just cant shake a certain feeling that freaking nagging feeling of inadequacy that stems from trying to do everything myself in my own strength alongside with blame and annoyance with my own imperfection that i probably like to keep hidden I'm way hard on myself for real but anyways after saying all of that i thought I'd write a poem/reflection instead of going in anymore and then I'm going to pray and lay in my bed and rest.

I should see the cracks because they show me I'm human
I should see the imperfections because they show me where Your hands are
I should see the dimming of my pride
So i can see Your life then and now
I should see my flaws because they show me I'm not in control
I love when i see what Your hands have designed and blessed me with
I love when i see that i had faith and you gave it to me
I love when my heart is weary and you come and wrap Your perfect love around me
I don't like when i become selfish I don't like when i make everything about me
I don't like when i draw on my own strength acting as if i can do it all with You
I don't like when i don't say Thank You
I don't like when i become so consumed that i put You in the back
I don't like when i depend on myself to help others and fail and then realize i should have called on You
You correct me because You love me and yet i feel like i keep getting corrected for the same thing over and over
Thank You for having patience with me Because you loved me first and loved me so much that You sent Your Only Son
I should see my imperfections because I am made perfect in You
Thanks for working it all out in my weakness
Thanks for Loving me and for not turning Your face.

Yay Monday!!

2009-05-12T01:52:00.000-04:00

Aww man today was great woke up did some email checking and twittering and facebooking and such catching up with friends and praying for their needs. I went to a 20/20 Training meeting it was great. 20/20 Vision for schools churches partnering up with schools and being a resource and a change agent. And some revelations and things clicking or happening came over me today while at the meeting and I was just overjoyed for real!!! Last semester my first semester at school when i went to my Intro to Youth Ministry class and the professor asked about our areas of ministry i felt at a disadvantage because everyone there had a ministry that they led or co-led in. Although i felt disadvantage it was hard for me to feel discouraged because i was just like God brought me this far and i was just like for some reason i feel like next year I'm going to have a ministry I'm working in although i don't see anything now. And God has orchestrated that i am now the Children's Ministry Coordinator at my new home church. A church where i feel so comfortable its my niche i was writing about yesterday. It feels great every time i go. The second amazing thing today was that i was connected to everyone in some way basically almost everyone there knew someone i went to school with or knew my Pastor and i met this really kewl lady named Yolanda. The third mind blowing thing was i wanted to chill with Dawn today but i wasn't sure how with like my money situation and Dawn's errands i didn't wanna have to rush or make her feel rushed so anyway after networking and talking even talking outside of the building i finally said goodbye and started walking and praying and thinking about what i was going to eat for dinner and then i ran into Dawn oh man yea so we chatted and walked it was really kewl man what a day :)

What a Sunday!

2009-05-10T22:31:00.000-04:00

yea i had a pretty good day today for real :)
let me go backwards lol
I just came back from a four hour long washing session at the laundry mat that joint was mad intense i was like washing all my winter clothes lol yay laundry
before that i planned to go to my grandmothers house and keep her some company but my mom called cuz she was in the mood to clean hence the four hour laundry session
prior to that i went to a Leaders meeting at my church that meeting was the bomb!!! Like just sharing about grace and what we do or don't understand about it man talk about transparency i love it!!! I was able to share my thoughts as well and listen to people this was definitely my niche I'm so glad i found my new church and i have a job there for the next two years and paid :) and we had pizza and juice and it was about 13 ppl if u don't count the pastor his wife and their child...it was definitely amazing.
prior to that i was at church the meeting was at church too but i was in service great message and dialogue it was also on Grace :) so yea im feeling good
ooo huh its mothers day oh yea uhhhh
i bought this card for my mom one you could record a voice but i think its broken so pretty much she didn't get anything and i didn't tell her about it and she didn't ask is that wrong?
and i chilled with Dawn that was kewl too.

oooo Omelete

2009-05-09T15:12:00.000-04:00

I seriously had the intention of making a Japanese omelet but to my dismay i have yet to master what it takes to make one. It was good and it was fun, and although it looks like that it was very tasty :) And liveblogged it :)

Missing!!!

2009-05-09T02:24:00.000-04:00

Yo i apologize school was much more time consuming and more engaging then i assumed plus i was facebooking and hanging out mad late...now i have a twitter and ive done a couple of vids...but i hope to recap you occassionally on the stuff that went on this semester as well as things going on for this summer...so yea lets celebrate!!!!

Amazing Day

2008-10-25T16:56:00.000-04:00

Oh wow yesterday was amazing lol...i went to work it was a little boring but towards the end it was good..lol...had pizza at work...stayed to Carlos birthday recital that was really kewl...Carlos is an amazing guitarist...afterward ate a little afterward...and Avery, Dawn and I decided to walk and talk we ended up past Bowery went to Two Boots to eat..time flew next thing we knew it was after 12 we sang happy birthday to Avery the restaurant joined two guys asked if Avery wanted beer since he was 21 now...lol..we chatted with them as they were leaving just about the beer lol...and then next thing you know it was 2 am and we were still in the restaurant..at the restaurant we got into some amazing discussions...about church, and action, and struggles...it was amazing encouraging and needed i feel all young people need to have these sort of things working for them...we came to the conclusion that we need to just do it and stop talking about it and we need to ask God to work in us...so we left and ran into the two guys Chris and Wesley.....and got into great conversation...about faith, church, the Bible, upbringing, politics next thing you know its after 4 so we exchanged myspace and numbers and started to make our way to the train station...but yea last night or should i say early this morning was quite a day and God is so Awesome revealing the very thing that we were discussing and showing us how action works...amazing...

Amazing Day

2008-10-22T23:00:00.000-04:00

Today was definitely an amazing and encouraging day...and i have made the decision to be an Interdisciplinary Studies Major...SO now Youth Ministry and Music!!!!I'm so excited and little anxious at the same time...and today was encouraging because Nickeshia said something to me i never imagined anyone would say to me she said that my paper for Notley sounded like the beginning of a sermon...and that was just so encouraging because God's preparing me for Ministry is becoming evident in small ways and its just like wow...so in a nutshell this was my day...much encouragement God is So Awesome Everyday He is showing me this

REST OOOO MY GOSH

2008-10-21T11:42:00.000-04:00

Oh sweet rest after days and days and countless hours of writing papers although i enjoy thinking and writing papers I'm so glad i have a day to rest to really rest to be disconnected from work to recharge my batteries to maybe do some reflection or maybe just sleep who knows although my mind wanders a little to what will be done today because its so awkward to not do anything for once wow.....wow

FINALLY

2008-10-20T01:57:00.000-04:00

So i finally just finished that paper due later on today although i just remembered i have to do the presentation piece i think im going to just attempt it before class although i need to read for the midterm...you know i really have no idea...the peace i finally just received is in danger of being undone...ok sigh im gonna piece together the seminar piece right now...wish me luck i would like to get it done before 2:30

SOme Peace

2008-10-17T21:02:00.000-04:00

God is so Faithful!!! I got both papers done for tomorrow's class, i just have another project due for Monday which i hope and pay to get done in good time and with the least amount of stress possible...I'm pretty tired...and the plan now is to stay up a little while and then take a little nap...oh wait wow i just looked at the clock and its after 9 i didn't know...lol..so i don't have to take a nap i can go straight to sleep soon...yay!!! so i worked and did my paper during work and then got it corrected and chatted with friends so that was mostly my day...

Papers papers papers still

2008-10-17T01:24:00.000-04:00

SO i just got in not too long ago....i got frustrated a little this morning because i just wanted to continue on with my paper but time was flying by so quickly....so that sucked...i got one of them done...and after school at around 10 Me,Manny,Dawn and Antonio got something to eat on Astor Place that was really kewl..i had the most amazing turkey burger it was so tender and juicy still till this morning i cant even say it was turkey...lol...im trying to work on my assignment but i don't think I'm going to finish it "tonight" I'm pretty tired but if i can get it flowing again that would help a lot....so that was pretty much my day...

Papers papers papers

2008-10-16T00:16:00.000-04:00

SO today was spent in front of the screen of my notebook writing a paper which i thought i had finished but turns out there were some additional things the assignment wanted me to talk about so its not finished and what sucks is that i will probably have only 4 hours to work on it because i have class tomorrow which is actually going to be in the library although my professor wont be in and its a training about using journals so perhaps i wont have to stay for the whole 3 hours but I'm not making any promises...so i was a little no a lot disappointed that i thought i was finished when in fact i am not and now i have to find a way to fit those other pieces into that paper on top of that i have to write another paper for that class which is going to be another struggle so i don't know I'm just hoping and praying that it will all work out on top of that i have another paper due on Monday these two papers i just spoke of are due on Saturday and Friday i work from 10-6 so I'm really praying that i get a big chunk of it done and that i can see a writing tutor about these assignments...one that i wouldn't feel all like awkward about...because Dawn has a boat load of work on her plate and its not right that i burden her with my assignments because I'm her friend and i care about her academics...so yea that was mostly my day...I'm tired I'm exhausted...the past 3 weeks i have worked on over 10 papers...and i hope that perhaps next Saturday i can catch up on some good wonderful sleep to be refreshed for the next week Lord Willing..

Birthday Yay!!!

2008-10-14T22:54:00.000-04:00

SO yea today (yesterday the 14th) is my birthday and im 24! I feel no different from when i was a teenager...lol...except that im not as dumb as teenagers these days...no thats not a completely random thing its actually scientifically true....anyways i spent the day doing homework and conversating with my great friends...i received some gifts but the greatest of them all was just genuine love...genuine friendship...and yea the mob of believers gathered together...School is going well lots and lots of papers though but i enjoy them although at times i feel like melting with the overwhelmingness....i havent written in a while on here...i havent prayed in a while...and i havent journaled...i want to but i dont know why i havent....could be busyness, tiredness and just having such a group of spiritual people around me but i hope to remedy those others things without losing what i have been blessed with...and uhhh i seriously intend to write more...i know empty sayings...but for real perhaps that will be the again the first thing i do when i get on my notebook....so yea talk to you later....

Tests Flame Gold

2008-08-30T00:48:00.000-04:00

Lastnight was hard such a hard attack seems like it came out of nowhere...i dont know whats up with these episodes...but they are happening to often...luckily i had my amazing friends there with me online being encouragement...i read some Promises and that seemed to help...i have to start being more equipped if im more equipped i'll be less vulnerable in attack...today was ard i was supposed to have a Group Bible study with my friends but we had to reschedule so i was ok with that we are reading 1 Peter...i went to 125th street to get some school supplies only to discover that i only had $1.00 in the bank i was crushed but i prayed...i prayed and i refused to let doubt interfere...i went to Staples and picked up a couple of things and put them down...it was alittle too overwhelming...so i left Staples and walked to the 10 bus because i had a bus transfer...when i got to the bus stop or close to it rather the bus had already pulled off i thought i misses it that kinda sucked..i continued singing Worship songs...songs to remind me of how Awesome God is..to set my focus on Him and not my circumstance...and i got home and told my mom about my day and she gave me some money and we went to Staples and i got my supplies...she came into some money today so that was great!...so as of right now i feel good about today but i feel kinda....i cant even describe...perhaps im tired...you get the title right? i hope ....1 Peter 1:7

Time, Time and Time Again

2008-08-25T01:29:00.000-04:00

How you spend your time is very important because a lot of things require time, finances, friendships, fun, serious things, family, just to name a few. Its very important to stop the habit of relaxing and slacking off after a spiritual high. I'm guilty of doing this so many times but im so glad that the Holy Spirit keeps after me reminding me although i have to admit i am hardheaded at times ok maybe a lot...lol...I have to learn balance i need to pray that i learn balance i need to learn how to include God in the things i do and not separate them. I believe what it is is although these things are important to me i don't feel they are important enough for me to go to God about unless i'm trying to put some truth or Gospel in it. (things = videos, video stuff)...so i have been up for the most part but today i was down not too much but enough for me to notice how i have been spending my time and how i need to re prioritize and not slack off after a spiritual high.

Sisters computer issues

2008-08-14T22:47:00.001-04:00

so yea my sis is having comp issues hopefully these photos can help you solve the last part of the issue!!!

Food,Fun, and Sillyness

2008-08-14T11:26:00.000-04:00

You know sometimes just sometimes i think that maybe I'm too silly and random at times to be a Youth Minister but then I'm reminded that i don't need to be serious...lol...So boo yah enemy!!!God Holds me!!!

SO yea whew yesterday was amazing. I caught a Matinee in BK saw that ummm batman movie ummm..The Dark Knight. The craziest happened like half way into the movie the lights cut on and then when the credits started rolling the lights were on again it sucked....So yea who was i with i was with Avery,Dawn, and Greg as well as occasionally Althea. SO we pretty much hung from 1 til after 10.

After the movies we went to 42nd where we walked to the Pier..afterward we went to the park played some ball, swung on the swings and played on the set. And After that we walked to the chocolate stores, and visited Sam Ash, and Toysrus played kickball in the store hulla hooped...give or take some more events along the way yesterday was amazing full of food fun and community silliness.

Struggle & Strength

2008-08-09T22:03:00.000-04:00

Listening to: Shout Unto God by Hillsong United Look to You

Struggle & Strength:
My greatest struggle seems to come from my home, no support for my aspirations and blatant disregard for my feelings. Its been hard dealing with this my whole life, what makes it even harder is that its one person who my whole life i have looked up to but its like all i feel is anger aimed at me. I've lived my whole life trying to please her and now that I'm finally taking this route which has taken a lot of evaluation and prayer and trusting in God, still daggers are coming. This isn't new at all this has been my desire for a number of years. In my strength when i try on my own i always fail. Every time i decide to give up and leave it in God's Hands He just gives me this amazing peace and i see Him working in my situation.

My prayer is that God would continue to lead me down a path that gives Him the Ultimate Glory that He would help me to live a life that is pleasing in His sight and that in my weakness He will make me strong with His Strength and work through me.

This big step is still scary.

Ordinary Me Continued

2008-08-09T11:03:00.000-04:00

There were some things i forgot to mention in my blog and i felt it is appropriate to put them up here. So when you are trying something difficult, or hard its important to have an accountability partner, for support to be there alongside you praying with and for you. Well God has blessed me with two amazing women in my life this season for a reason. Dawn and Sharlene all i can say is Wow. Amazing women they were checking on me making sure my 5 day retreat, and reconnection with God was being followed, that i was making the most of the day and that i was on track. Talking with me about any struggles i had during the day, offering advice and just being there. So its important to have great amazing friends who you can grow with, share struggles with, count on, and pour into.

This morning i read Romans 6. Later on i will tell you how that worked in my day, how God helped me to apply it to my life.
Well right now i have to get ready for work its only 3 hours but an an amazing 3 hours.

Ordinary Me

2008-08-08T21:34:00.000-04:00

God has done some extraordinary mind blowing things in my simple life. I just want to spill everything out but then i would be here all night typing so how about i just put in a nutshell for now as much as possible. The beginning of this week started with some struggle. I was upset because some friends i used to be very close to until you know people move on they are either in your life for a season or a lifetime. Well they were in my life for a wonderful couple of seasons they are mentioned in my last blog account. Oh yea i ramble by the way just a heads up and i jump subjects. SO anyway I was upset because something amazing happened in their life and i wasn't included in the loop i mean how could i if I'm not in their life, clearly but still i was hurt. So along with that i was dealing with pressure about the decision to go back to school and finally pursing what i feel God has set on my heart since i was younger. And dealing with bills and not being employed right now. It was just overwhelming, i hadn't been setting time for Quiet Time, Prayer, or even Bible Study. I was too busy youtubing and myspacing, little telltale signs were popping up giving me hints on my condition before it went bursting forth. Luckily my cousin Tirrell as online to hear me out and offer me some amazing Truth, i knew these truths you know God is Faithful and bigger than my issues but i just wanted to vent you know. Well the Spirit laid it upon my heart that i needed to do a reality check, a retreat away from the distractions getting back into whats important and that is my relationship with the Lord. I was getting too busy with those other things that i had my priorities all jacked up and God wanted to remind me about the importance of His time, my time and restoring balance in my life.

Those bills that i was worried about God put it to the side! God is an Awesome God! God is Bigger than my issues. If i ask Him, He will Provide!

This week has been amazing! God has restored me, He has given me renewed hope and He has replaced my worry with unspeakable joy. And He has showered me with His Love. He has been here right with me!

Quick Info

2008-08-08T21:20:00.000-04:00

Quick post: my last blogger journal can be found here http://todaysday.blogspot.com/ just in case you want to read some background info!