Blessing

I know i haven't written in a while. Some of it due to lazyness, some of it just due to being in a different stage at the time. Those who really know me, know that i go through different creative stages throughout the year. SO those who have been reading up until now know how it is and arent surprised. Gonna keep this post pretty short and to the point but will plan to write more!! So the title was blessing right. Here is what i believe in a nutshell. When we are faithful in the little things, the surrendering of ourselves and our situations into God's control, when we are faithful with even talking with the Father about any matter. I feel like blessing follows. Why am i saying feel and not just blessing follows because its my experience. You know what i mean. Lately God has been opening all sorts of amazing opportunities for me and i am blown away!! So be faithful in the little and it wont come easy at times sometimes you gotta pray for the intention and the follow through to be faithful in something. Short and to the point tonight. May God Bless You! Later!!

Conflicted

Have you ever felt conflicted in your thoughts. Like a quiet restless that needs to break out and do something almost anything? I wonder why being locked indoors and working on long hw assignments makes me feel this way everytime. Today I attempted to do my paper but it was just so easy to get distracted and I was incredibly distracted I'm distracted now I haven't even finished the paper and I really don't think it's my best work and I'm just hoping I at least get an 80 on it. I have such a headache and


"friend" duties are keeping me awake. I'm still keeping the hope and staying clear from stress and worry. God is Good.


-- Post From My iPhone

Blessings & Comfort

Tonight I rode home in quiet trust for what could lay ahead of me tomorrow. And on my way home riding on the train a homeless man with a need for food and shelter borded a black man maybe in his late forties early fiftees but what was remarkably different about this man was what he started his asking for support with. He quoted John 3:16 professed love in Christ and of the counting of his blessings everyday. Everytime I hit a critical period in my life God always gives me a refreshing a reminder a calling back to remember His Sovereignty His Blessing and His Irreplaceable and Remarkably Unconditional Love. Wow


-- Post From My iPhone

Stories

This evening I started to think of the importance of stories in the lives of humanity Aka humans. Stories are so important to our lives and our living whether they are told in written fiction, oral tradition, stories of what happened in the lives of very close ancestors as far as family tree. Stories are also important in our relationships with others. When we are in the midst of family we might share a story from the day like a great event that happened that day or maybe if one is bragging they might fabricate or fudge up the story alot to make themselves appear the hero or even the villian. I think when a person loses their interest in sharing the story of their yesterdays, todays or tomorrows they lose a huge portion of their joy. I don't know if this is really making much sense. I'm just trying to say that story telling and story sharing is a pivotal part of our lives and when someone loses that desire they are in danger of just merely existing. I think everything can be told or shared from our eating and sleeping to our going and rising and can serve as a part of our act of worship.






-- Post From My iPhone

Falling In

So the other day in one of the vlogs I recorded i wrote about not being in love and I was speaking of a love like the love of and in Christ. And although this is still currently true that my heart still seeks after that love today I thought about how I have fallen out of love with much and many I have loved in the realm of humanity. As a young child I thought it was very possible for someone to fall out of love I had seen it first hand in my own life regarding the love to me from my own mother and father towards me as I wrote about in my previous blog but I always prayed and wished that it would not happen to me. This past year and up until this day I have fallen out of love with all of whom I have loved in humanity and I have no idea how to reclaim that love in redemptive way. Because that love was kind of one sided and many times performance based just like the way i had acted and the way I currently act whenever my parents realize I'm alive and actually contact me. And this type of performance based relationship was something I wanted to change but sometimes honesty there's a problem with change when it comes self imposed self induced and lacking the trust and seeking of God's redemption and what that change is is a change that comes with possibilities that are marked with question marks. Let me repeat that a better way, when I trust myself and myself alone to transform my relationships from being performance based to something else I quite honestly dont know what that something else is supposed to be or even look like so I'm left with question marks but I think there is something redemptive within it and that thing is that now I am able to turn my relationships over into God's hands while He fixes my heart and restrings it into what it should be because all this time when I thought i had a good grasp I really didn't.




-- Post From My iPhone

Remembering

A tiny portion of this week has been spent remembering the people of Haiti as I remembering the blessings that I am experiencing even now. I've been also reading peoples tweets and reflecting on the things I've read such as the discussion of religious fission when it comes to our futile understanding of God's Will, God's Purpose for Us, God's Wrath and even His Love. We are but a vapor and fallen so we are incapable of fully and wholly understanding God in any area all we know is kinda what we have the capacity to know and what He let's us know. Sometimes I wonder if I am still God's child, His beloved, His friend and not because He has given me any reason to doubt because He has not but because of my human relationship with my parents. My parents are kind of a really touchy subject for me and I don't even talk about them with my closest friends. It's not because I don't love them no not all but I wonder what is love in the specific situation of my parents. Now why do i wonder about my relationship with God and who am I well my parents are very sporadically intertwined in my life and as much as I try to get to know them and reach out to them it's very difficult and emotional it's got to be 50/50 you know. Some people have learned to cope with seeking the attention of their parents by bending and twisting to their every whim trying some way to conform in such a fasion that their parents will finally shower them with the attention and praise that they've longed for. I'm not in that group quite honestly I think my coping mechanism has been to remain young and infantile yes infantile so that they would feel that I need them and would come rescuing me with the attention and praise that I'm longing for.
So because of this i kind of have this performance based attitude of I must read my bible I must pray
I must worship etc but at times it is not in spirit and in truth because instead I am relying on myself to do all of the work to get the attention. I'm so glad God is not like my earthly parents and although what I feel of my relationship with God is all feeling and emotion for my lack with my biological parents and doesn't take away the fact that this is what I feel from time to time. Thanks for reading my thoughts of the day.
-- Post From My iPhone

Devastation

For the past couple of hours I've been praying regarding those in Haiti, those of Haitian decent and for various friends and family members. While tweeting my own posts and retweeting posts regarding relief efforts in Haiti. As with all footagebof devastation it's all very graphic seeing bodies strewn all over the place. What I thought of this morning before the sun rose was how unfortunately grieving is not something I'm all that good with especially at the expense of others. For example my sister watched the issue of ballon boy before the truth coming out of being a host and cried at every moment touched deeply by this situation. And one of my friends tweeted lastnight about how she lay in her bed with her three year old daughter crying for the sake of the mothers in Haiti who've lost their children. Now myself on the other hand just thought of the devastation and prayed for help, peace rescue and comfort as well as salvation and God showing Himself strong all through that situation. But another thought came to mind still along the lines of my reaction to it all wondering how I was still going on with my various duties and how come I couldn't be like those in the Bible who covered themselves in sack cloth and ash duting times of devastation or some of other form of clothing calling upon the Name of the Lord. My only reaction has been while rememberig my blessings to be moved to pray for those in devastation.
-- Post From My iPhone