Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Falling In

So the other day in one of the vlogs I recorded i wrote about not being in love and I was speaking of a love like the love of and in Christ. And although this is still currently true that my heart still seeks after that love today I thought about how I have fallen out of love with much and many I have loved in the realm of humanity. As a young child I thought it was very possible for someone to fall out of love I had seen it first hand in my own life regarding the love to me from my own mother and father towards me as I wrote about in my previous blog but I always prayed and wished that it would not happen to me. This past year and up until this day I have fallen out of love with all of whom I have loved in humanity and I have no idea how to reclaim that love in redemptive way. Because that love was kind of one sided and many times performance based just like the way i had acted and the way I currently act whenever my parents realize I'm alive and actually contact me. And this type of performance based relationship was something I wanted to change but sometimes honesty there's a problem with change when it comes self imposed self induced and lacking the trust and seeking of God's redemption and what that change is is a change that comes with possibilities that are marked with question marks. Let me repeat that a better way, when I trust myself and myself alone to transform my relationships from being performance based to something else I quite honestly dont know what that something else is supposed to be or even look like so I'm left with question marks but I think there is something redemptive within it and that thing is that now I am able to turn my relationships over into God's hands while He fixes my heart and restrings it into what it should be because all this time when I thought i had a good grasp I really didn't.

-- Post From My iPhone

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